5/6/2016 1 Comment Growing upOnce upon a time I was a little 4th grader with big dreams. Constantly looking up at all the “big kids,” wondering how awesome it must be to be them. How inspiring they were because they were bigger than me, and because they acted differently than little Dharma. I would be intimidated by them each time we made eye contact and would stare in awe at everything they did.
Today May 6th is my 16th birthday. I am now the “big kid.” Little 4th graders like my sister look up to me. I am a giant whose every move is watched with wide eyes on little faces. I am the one who is supposed to be inspiring and doing amazing things that every child can look up to and say, “Wow, I want to be like her when I grow up.” But why don't I feel that way? When did I grow up? When did I stop looking up and start looking in. Inside myself and not at others, inside my thoughts instead of up at how everyone else acts around me. Because I don't think I’m ready to be that “big kid.” Everyday, we see things around us change, grow and adapt to us. What we don't notice is how we are the ones truly changing and adapting to the world around us. We see our friends and siblings get taller, mature, and make grown up decisions, but we don't notice when we do. Our bodies are growing, but our hearts remain the same. We are the same person we were when we were 3 inside us, but to others, we are grown beings who must learn to live in this world. So many years (16 to be exact) have passed in my life and looking back, I see they went so fast. One minute I was dreaming about being in high school, the next I’m dreaming of leaving it. I see the little kindergartners everyday, just having fun and thinking about the wonders of the world, and I feel a sort of deja vu. Like just a day ago that was me. Now I'm not saying that I don't still have big dreams and look up to some of my heroes, I do, but in reality, I realize now that you just have to grow up sometimes. Not in the literal sense, but you need to grow emotionally, you need to grow mentally, and you need to grow consciously. I can't always have the mindset of a 4th grader forever no matter how much I may want it. But I can still be the Dharma I was 7 years ago in my values, the way I laugh, the way I express myself, and all the other things that make me, me. As an old quote I love says, “ Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.”
1 Comment
Bon
5/9/2016 08:12:04 am
Dharms, I don't think that there's a time where we can truly be prepared for our new roles in life. We go through several stages and even though we try our best to be prepare ourselves for those big benchmarks, it's only through experience that we learn. And you hit it right on the nail with that quote in the end. Growing old is temporal and passive whereas growing up requires we'd be more proactive in the choices that we make and make treasure of the learning. But you're coming to terms with these ideas at a such young age; that speaks volumes about the type of learner you are.
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