5/22/2016 0 Comments The burden of being a giverIt has recently come to my attention that I am what people call a “giver.” I don't mean to sound selfish by saying this or anything, in reality I’m pointing this out as one of my flaws. Most people would think that being a giver is great because you do stuff for others with no strings attached, but when it all goes down, I see that maybe I’m not better off being a giver. Here I’ll explain why: Firstly, when you are a giver, you care TOO much. Givers like myself over think how our actions will affect others, and how we can make everyone else's life easier, but never our own. Therefore, we end up slowly drifting to the bottom of this pyramid of power because we let people step all over us without even realizing it. Personally, I’ve always thought I was in the middle of being a giver and taker, but it turns out I’m really not. Of course I do sometimes ask for favors or for help, but I immediately offer my own, and refuse asking for help unless I feel it's the final option. Like last week, I was talking to my friend, and she was telling me about an issue she was dealing with, and my triggered reaction was to think of all the possible ways she could solve this issue, and specifically, what I could do to help her. After her issue was mostly resolved, I felt like the whole time it had been my own problem that I had just dealt with, and when I proceeded to keep asking her if she needed advice, she said “Dharma don’t worry! You help people too much, let me help you now!” As simple as those sentences might sound, they really struck a chord in me, because I realized how right she was. I pay way too much attention to other peoples problems that I never focus on addressing my own. I give but rarely receive, I don't have that balance. As a consequence givers like me feel ‘scared’ sometimes that if we stop giving, we won’t have any ‘power’ anymore. Conceivably because we don’t know our own personal value or values. We value ourselves in terms of what we can do for other people, not what we’re able to do for ourselves, or our qualities, characteristics, and values. In order to find that balance though, I realize I need to learn to accept. Accept help, feedback, advice, and many other things, and that sometimes, it's ok to say yes I do need help, and just back away from other people's problems so I can focus on me once in awhile. So really, being a giver isn't as great as people make it out to be. You do feel good about it once and awhile, but it also holds you back. Being a giver is definitely one of my flaws, but as they say, there comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you, and right now, I think I’ve already crossed the seven seas.
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